Castle Shima

Shut Up, Hippy!
-- seen on a bumper sticker

::: Tower View :::
Terms Of Service
Geez, I've really been gone for awhile. So to make up for it, I can finally divulge the details of my jury duty. This will take a couple of days because it could practically be a book.

You've been warned.
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Voir Dire
As much as people dispise this obligation, I will be the first to admit that this had to be one of the best experiences I've had. Mainly because the damn thing was funny from beginning to end which is why this is going to take some time.

I reported to the courthouse on the Monday morning as requested. The city does a pretty good job in that there is one central location for all potenital jurorists to park and the city pays for a shuttle to bring people back and forth. Normally, a juror goes thru one case and finds out if they are chosen. If they are chosen, then they are told to come back later in the week to serve.

Those that arent chosen are sent home. Job done.

After filling all the necessary paperwork and watching the silly video on jury duty, The first group is called together. I'm number two on the list. The first thought on my mind was "Frig! I'm royally screwed now!"

There are 18 of us called into a courtroom and the one sitting next to me was a younger guy who obviously was just too busy to be inconvienced. I think it was the comment of "Man, if I gotta lie to get out of this bullshit, then I'll do it!"

He really must be a really busy type of guy. After all, he couldnt have been bothered to have tucked in the dingy white tshirt under his wrinkled animal print shirt.

The first step any jury is to do called Voir Dire. This is when both sets of the lawyers ask the jurors questions in order to determine who they want or dont want to stay. I was quite proud to state my name, occupation, and how long I had lived here. After all, I'm a semi-respectable citizen of the community. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it.

The busy body next declared that this name was Redman and that he was a manager at Hardees. I now refuse to eat there for any reason.

After everyone tells who they are, the potential jury is told that this a civil case brought on by the state and the defendant was actually to be called the Respondant. The questions may be abit more adult oriented and may come upon touchy subjects such as sex and violence.

Thats when the though hits me: Sex?! Perk!! What is this all about?! Woohoo! Apparently, I've been watching Law And Order: Special Victims Unit abit too much.

There are two female lawyers for the State and they go thru there progression of questions for everyone. There are questions about how we feel about sexual offenders, sexual violence, and molestors. A few make it known that they cant be too objective as either they were victims or knew someone who was a victim.

One question asked was Would you have a problem deciding if someone should go to jail? to which Redman shot his hand up and yelped "Yes, I do!" When the State attorney asked him why, he replied "I've got alot of relatives in jail already!"

He began whispering to me "Yes! I'm going home! I'm going home!".

When the Respondant's lawyer began asking questions, Redman's hand continuously shot up.

"Have you or anyone close you ever been charged with a sexual offense?"
"Yep! My uncle! He done got seven years!"
"Have you or anyone close you ever been charged with a drug abuse?"
"Yep! My mom!"

After awhile, the Respondant's lawyer, Mr. Flechman, would just say "Thank you, Mr. Redman. I think we got you."

So every few mins, Redman would again whisper gleefully "Yes! I'm going home! I'm going home!".

At one point, the Flechman asked if anyone knew what actuarial tables were. I responded that I knew what they were and had worked with due to my employment as a computer programmer with an insurance company. Then Red would whisper Ooo! You're going home! You're going home!

It was like this for the entire 2 hour process except for when Redman had fallen asleep and began snoring. Loud. Then snorted himself awake which even made me giggle softly. I was amazed that the judge didnt toss him out for contempt.

With every question concerning the thoughts about sex, incarceration, violence, and drugs, my interest was actually piqued. I really wanted to be on this one.

The State lawyer even asked "Do you have any issue with harsh language? Do you have a problem with someone telling you, pardon my language, that they are going f*ck you?" I almost blurted out Are you kidding?! I practically beg women to tell me that!

Around 10:30am, all of the jurors were released for a 15 minute break in order for the lawyers and judge to discuss who would stay and who would go. All the way out the door, Redman continued his chant "I'm going home! I'm going home!". He practically did the Happy Dance going out the courtroom. Then again, he was doing the Happy Dance when we back came in.

After being seated, the judge spoke to us, stating that while some of us will be picked for this trial, the ones that were not picked shouldnt be offended because they could be a good juror for another trial. So those who were called would remain while those left over would return to the main hall in order to be picked for a different trial.

Redman's jaw dropped for a moment while I stiffled a snicker, my mind thinking "You arent going home! You arent going home!" Hehehe...

My name was called and I was in.

Redman collected himself and mumbled "That's ok. I'll lie to them too. I dont need this shit." Then off he went. Obviously, Hardee's needs him back in a hurry because I sure as hell wouldnt want him to be in jury with me.

With the others gone, we were down to 7 jurors and we found out when the trial would begin.

Right then and there...

To Be Continued
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::: Out In The Yard :::
Barter your paper clip for a house. Now I could afford that kind of mortgage.
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Goths prone to suicide. Ugh, such depressing news... everything is so black...
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::: Background Noise :::
Party Up by DMX

Listen
Your ass is about to be missing!
You know who gonna find you?
Who?
Some old man fishing!
Grandma wishing your soul's at rest,
But its hard to digest
With the size of the hole in your chest

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* But I'm a creep
* I'm a weirdo
* What the hell am I doing here?
* I dont belong here
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