This job wouldnt be so bad if it werent for the f**ing customers -- Randel from Clerks
Tower View
Why Bother?
Have you ever noticed that some people try too hard to be as confused as possible? I dont mean that if they dont understand something, they may not be grasping the answer or the explanation wasnt clear.
Instead, they work as hard as possible not to listen to the answer either because they dont like it or its totally slipped through their ears.
Prime examples:
1) Paraphrasing from a recent email conversation -
Customer: Please review the attached spreadsheet. We reviewed the data and it appears incorrect. Please get back with us ASAP because we need to report back to others.
Me: Please send me the original report created by your application. I can see the data in the spreadsheet, but I need to review the formulas you used in that original report.
Customer: No problem. I've attached the spreadsheet here.
Me: Sorry, but can you send me the original report? I really need to look at all the information on that report before you pasted it onto the spreadsheet.
Customer: All I have is that spreadsheet. I ran the original report, saved it to my hard drive, then copied the data to spreadsheet.
2) From a conversation with one of my document writers -
Me: I want you to go through this documentation in Microsoft Excel. Any data field that ends with the description PRIOR, change that word to HISTORY. For example, "Customer County - Prior" will now be called "Customer County - History." Got it?
Mac: Got it. PRIOR is now HISTORY. But what do I do about this one called "Customer Last Name - Prior?"
Me: Change the word PRIOR to HISTORY.
Mac: What about this section called "Customer Information - Prior?"
Me: Like I said, just change the word PRIOR to HISTORY.
Mac: Even the section called "Geography - Prior?"
Me: Yes.
Mac: Wait a minute. I'm confused.
The sentence Are you f**king kidding me?! has come to mind alot lately.
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Random Thoughts Part 1000
1) The computer game Sims2 needs to be banned. This game is so addicting that it could almost be considered electronic Crack. If you dont play it for even a few minutes, your hands begin to shake and it becomes hard to typwasdfefjvcle....
2) My fantasy football team really sucks.
3) I'm going to miss Belle De Jour. she's closed her blog in order to make time for other things in her life. Isnt that the way it always is? Real life gets in the way of the fun things?
4) I've added A New York Escorts Confession as a new link. Hat tip to Alexa for her great blog. Check it out, but dont let her bite you unless you like that sort of thing... Heh...
6) Why does every frigging commercial now have the words I approve this message?
7) My fantasy football team really does suck.
8) If you ever go for a tattoo, make sure the artist isnt high when he does the work. Ow!
9) Does Dan Rather think we are that stupid to the point that we wouldnt know that he was involved in Rathergate?!
10) Have I mentioned that myfantasy football team really sucks?
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Out In The Yard
Twinkie makers get a loan in order to keep in business. Smoke them if you got them.
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Exotic dancers go to court for indecent exposure in a bar. Isnt it their job to be exposed in a bar?!
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BMW builds the fastest steam powered car. But they cant fix the damn thermostat in my car? Wtf?!
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Background Noise
Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel
I want to be your sledgehammer...
Why dont you call my name?
You better call the sledgehammer...
Put your mind at rest...
I'm going to be the sledgehammer...
This will be my testimony...
I'm your sledge hammer,
Let there be no doubt about it.
***************************************
* Days go by
* And still I think of you
* Days when I couldnt live
* My life without you
***************************************
Me: Are we there yet?
Jodie: Five more minutes.
-- An ongoing theme during the MS-150.
Tower View
Spinning Away
I rode again for a major charity event, the MS-150 and unlike last year, I was able to finish the ride. This year I switched teams and rode with the KB Team, which was definately a better experience for me.
What else did I learn from this year?
01. Never leave your car keys with Kelly. She likes to leave them in the car... while its running.
02. If the team leader says to be at the registration booth at 6a, you know darn well no one shows up til 6:30a.
03. No matter what anyone says, energy gels taste absolutely nasty.
04. The Rio Forge was definately a good investment.
05. Dont race another team that likes keeping the pace at 18mph. You may outrun them for awhile, but they eventually catch up, especially when you are by yourself.
06. Anyone that rides 80 miles in a day, then makes the comment I need to go for a run really needs to be slapped.
07. Road kill smells terrible, but nothing can compare to the scent of skunk, armadillo, and wild boar.
08. If you ever need to get a tooth removed, just ride over broken roads or cobblestones and shake that tooth loose.
09. The one downside to doing an event like this is getting the leg cramps 6 hours afterwar... ow! ow! ow!
10. I need to stop taking that extra day off to recover. Apparently, the sky falls at the office when I'm not around because two people on my own team have to send emails back and forth instead of getting up and walking the 20 feet to talk to each other.
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Out In The Yard
Man waits at hospital for 22 hours to have nail removed from finger. Ummm.. Ow!
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Avril Lavigne in a non-exposing photo shoot for Maxim. Geez, why bother at that point?
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Play Whack A Nerd. This way you can hit someone and you wont get into trouble.
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Background Noise
Guilty Conscience by Eminem w/ Dr. Dre
F*ck that! Do that sh*t!
Shoot that bitch!
Can you afford to blow this sh*t?!
Are you that rich?!
Why you give a f*ck if she dies?
Are you that bitch?
Do you really think she gives a f*ck
if you have kids?!
***************************************
* Days go by
* And still I think of you
* Days when I couldnt live
* My life without you
***************************************
Robbie: Hey! That's a typewriter! Now there is something you dont hear nowadays.
Me: Yeah, especially if you work for CBS News.
-- from a conversation at work.
Tower View
Nuff Said
From Cox And Forkum.
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Out In The Yard
60 Minutes is under fire for presenting memos on Bush supposedly typed in 1973, but were in fact computer generated. Seems that Dan Rather has followed the Michael Moore approach: "If you cant find the evidence, make it yourself."
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Fable comes out this week! Cant wait... Kung Fu... not strong enough...
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Bra padding gives a new meaning to take out. No comment from the Chinese Minister of Restaurants.
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Background Noise
Wonderwall by Oasis
And all the roads
We have to walk are winding...
And all the lights
That lead us there are blinding...
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you,
But I don't know how
Because maybe,
You're gonna be the one that saves me...
And after all
You're my wonderwall
***************************************
* Days go by
* And still I think of you
* Days when I couldnt live
* My life without you
***************************************
Jay Leno: So what is this picture we are looking at, Lance?
Lance Armstrong: Umm... This is a picture of a bunch of guys peeing, Jay.
-- from The Tonight Show
Tower View
Tis The Season
Its football season again!
I've been waiting impatiently over the summer, constantly playing NCAA Football 2005 and Madden 2005 in order to satisfy that football urge.
Along with the video games comes Fantasy Football season. For those that have never played Fantasy Football, this is when you and other players pretend you are NFL managers. You draft the players from the real NFL in attempt to create your own team. Then you take your team and play all the other teams as if it was a real football game. When the real players score points, you score points. The team that scores the most points wins the game.
My league consists of sixteen folks since we all work for the same company; 15 men and 1 woman. I had to throw that it since I know there are a few women who know about football.
The league commissioner, Robert, is a devout Democrat. When it came time for the managers to draft their teams, several of us gave him all kinds of hell. Not because some were Republican or such, but just because Robert can take it all in stride.
Blurbs would slip out like "So was Randy Moss in Cambodia in 68?", "I heard Jeff Garcia has a bad back. I think he is up for a Purple Heart", and "I have to pick Faulk. I want him for *cough* 4 more years *cough*".
I got my shot in. When the software Robert was using went slightly haywire I snickered "Look, the program isnt working, just like Kerry's campaign."
So after all was said and done, here is the team that I drafted.
Quarterbacks: Mark Brunell (Wash), Carson Palmer (Cinn)
Running Backs: Corey Dillion (NE), Rudi Johnson (Cinn), Eddie George (Dall)
Wide Receivers: Jimmy Smith (Jax), Reggie Wayne (Indi), Kevin Johnson (Balt)
Tight End: Jeremy shockey (NYG)
Kicker: Ryan Longwell (GB)
Defensive Player: Brian Russell (Minn)
Team Defense: Seattle
Its going to be a long season.
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Out In The Yard
Delta Airlines refuses to allow returning soldier to take seat of other passengers that gave up theirs for her. Shame on you, Delta. Southwest and Continental will enjoy my business.
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Michael Moore is a f**king moron. This is humourous, but dont play it too loud at work. Hat tip to Moorewatch.
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Evil Genius has been making quite an impression. The demo is available so give it a shot.
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Background Noise
Twilight Zone by Golden Earring
Help I'm stepping into the Twilight Zone...
The place is a madhouse...
Feels like being cloned...
My beacon's been moved
Under moon and star...
Where am I to go
Now that I've gone too far?
***************************************
* Days go by
* And still I think of you
* Days when I couldnt live
* My life without you
***************************************
The Steward
